Sorry's Not Good Enough
by diamondpearl876
Summary: I caused them to meet. I was the beginning of the end of her. .phoenix, iris/kristoph.


Warning: character death.

I'm a little concerned with hobo!Phoenix being OOC in this... so any comments regarding this would be appreciated. :)

I own nothing.

Sorry's Not Good Enough

Iris. That was her name once. Just Iris. Just like a beautiful, innocent flower ready to break free from the dirt embracing it.

And yes, she had been put into jail. But it wasn't her fault, not really. It was mine. I wanted to pursue the truth and she just wanted to be helpful. She just wanted to be something... more.

Don't we all?

I know I do.

Because now, Iris is no longer just Iris. The flower is wilting rather pathetically. The stem can't hold her upright anymore, and the petals are nowhere to be found, much like her days outside of prison. My prison.

What could have caused such a drastic change in such a sweet girl?

The answer is simple: her new name.

(That's all it takes, sometimes.)

Her new name... is Iris Gavin.

- x -

Kristoph Gavin. That's his name. Just Kristoph Gavin. And perhaps the worst part of it all is that his name will never change and separate itself from the beautiful flower's name.

Iris Gavin. Kristoph Gavin.

One and the same. It's sickening.

But that's just how society is nowadays. The woman abandons her past and conforms to their newfound husband's name when they get married.

Well... I lied.

The worst part of it all is that they're married now.

They had met in prison and they were in prison for entirely different reasons and there was absolutely no reason for them to meet like this, or for them to meet at all, and--

I'm sorry.

Kristoph, he betrayed me and his brother and my daughter and more people that I care about. More than I count, and more than he can probably count, too, despite how confident he seems to be in all of his abilities. And what did I do for revenge? I got him jailed. I exposed every single one of his lies, every single deceiving thing that he's done.

Except for this one.

Instead...

I caused them to meet.

I was the beginning of the end of her.

Kristoph Gavin and Iris Gavin.

And I'm so sorry.

So, so sorry.

- x -

I may have lied again. It might just be my view, personally, but the worst part of it all now might be that I was the best man at their wedding.

Iris Gavin's term ended, and somehow, Kristoph Gavin got out of prison. He escaped execution. I don't know how he did it. I don't want to know how he did it. All I know... and don't want to know... is that he did it to be with her.

And what was the first thing he did when he escaped the punishment of those wretched iron bars?

He came to me. He apologized for everything and yet nothing, and he asked for my forgiveness. He didn't beg for it. I wish that he had begged. It might have made this a little bit easier.

Probably not.

And finally, finally, he told me about Iris Gavin. About them. Together. And he asked me... if I wanted to be the best man. If I wanted to be a part of their lives again. It would be different this time, he promised.

My heart was frozen over and I knew that there was something very wrong. He was... evil, for lack of a better term. I'm not so good at this anymore, am I? This pointing of fingers. This endless act of accusing. But I was good enough then to know that would be nothing good for her.

Still, I accepted.

And at the wedding, when I was told that I should speak or forever hold my peace, I didn't object. My mouth was sewn shut. My words drip drip dripped from my mouth with the grape juice that I wouldn't stop drinking. And it all fell to the floor and stained it. Just like the blood that also drip drip dripped from a bottle of grape juice, once, by the hands of Kristoph Gavin.

But that doesn't matter anymore, does it?

I don't think so.

- x -

Now, I'm apparently a part of their lives. A ghost or something like it. I'm there, but not really. I'm invited to dinner sometimes, and whenever I am, nothing really happens. Kristoph Gavin stares at me, careful about my every move, and he talks about anything and everything. I don't hear him. But Iris Gavin? She laughs at everything that Kristoph Gavin says and I force a smile and the stitches keeping my mouth shut tight want to break, one by one. I hope there's enough stitches to keep me from breaking until I get home. Or at least out of this house. Their house.

At one point, Kristoph Gavin leaves the table. He doesn't say why, and if he does, I'm not listening. I look at Iris Gavin instead, and she looks at me. It would be a legit staring contest if we were still young and prone to such silly games. But we've grown. My God, we've grown.

And I don't like it.

"Do you ever see yourself living anywhere else?" I blurt out. So much for keeping my stitches intact until the time was right. So much for forever holding my peace.

"No," Iris Gavin says after a few moments. I don't believe that she had to think about her answer. I believe that she was just surprised. Why, I'll never know. "It's beautiful here."

Yes, well. She was beautiful once, too, and look what happened. Her words mean nothing to me. I set down my knife with my right hand, just for a moment, and use that hand to reach across the table toward her. I hold out my hand. I don't know why.

"But don't have to be here. And you don't have to be with him. You know that, right?" She doesn't, I'm sure. It never hurts to ask anything. Believe me, I'm lying. "Come with me, Iris. You deserve more than this."

"Phoenix, I... don't know what you're talking about," she says quietly, leaning back in her seat.

"What I'm talking about," I start, my voice showing no confidence because I'm completely unsure of what I want to say, "is that Kristoph is not good for you. He's hurting you. I know he is, so why are you denying it? Come on. Take the world with me."

Take the world with me and send him back to jail. Send him to death, Iris. Send him to Hell, and--

I hear Kristoph Gavin's heavy footsteps approaching, and I pretend that I'm grabbing more to eat-- with my bare, dirty hands. Not bothering to use the utensils that should be used to take food. Rude? Maybe. Contamination and utterly repulsive? Yes.

We're even, almost.

But Iris pretends like nothing happened.

- x -

It probably goes without saying that even though Iris Gavin acted oblivious to everything, I wasn't invited to dinner anymore. I'm forced to stick to rumors I hear about them on the streets. I'm forced to listen to Kristoph Gavin talk about her. I'm wondering if he was told about my reckless actions that night. It's very possible. Even if he knew, he would still speak to me about her, knowing that just hearing her name tears me apart.

It's very possible, and it's the goddamn truth when Kristoph Gavin tells me something I'm not expecting.

"She's pregnant, Wright. We're going to have a baby."

I shudder.

It is so, so cold.

- x -

Do you remember, Iris?

I remember when you would ask me for that necklace and when I refused to give it to you, you looked so sad but you were still smiling and I was confused, but as long as that smile was there, I didn't care. I remember you saying good-bye before a class and I remember you walk walk walking away from me and I remember daydreaming about everything you did until we saw each other again and you told me everything, everything. My daydreams were never really accurate. And that was the best part. I remember when we made up ridiculous nicknames for each other. I remember finding out your real identity and saying your name over and over to make up for all of the times that I said the wrong name.

It was all ridiculous, actually. But we were just... kids. We were in college, yes, but still so childish at heart.

Do you remember, Iris Gavin?

- x -

I try to see Iris Gavin, I do. But when I go to her house, Kristoph Gavin answers and says that she's sick, and that I should understand. She's pregnant, after all. He adds emphasis on every word. I don't know how he does it, but it works, and I shrink back into nothing.

I try every day for three weeks.

And then, Kristoph Gavin starts getting angry. He says she's not there. She's really not. And she's not sick. And he hands me a newspaper and he tells me to go home. But I don't go home, though I should. I stand there and read the newspaper and I see it--

It says--

It can't be right.

It says... that she's dead. Says that her body was found in a dumpster a few blocks away from her home. Cut up and bruised from her stomach up. Her baby couldn't be saved. It says... that she had been there for a little over two weeks.

And the newspaper doesn't say so, but Kristoph Gavin did it.

I know he did.

I stand outside of his door, free to open and close. Her door, shut forever. Their door, shattered into a million pieces.

I want to scream.

- x -

"I told you so, Iris," I say, leaving a bouquet of irises by her headstone. I do this a month after the news is revealed, a month after her funeral, the one I don't attend. This is my funeral for her. It's pathetic, I know. But it only seems right, since a month is all it took for them to meet and get out of prison.

I told her so, but she didn't listen. She made herself believe that she was happy with Kristoph Gavin.

But I didn't tell her so. Not really. I didn't try hard enough. All he wanted was to kill her. To kill us. To kill our childish dreams that wouldn't have been childish if I had done the right thing.

I let him do this. I sent him straight to her. I sent him straight back to me. I sent him to her baby, to her future. And I didn't try hard enough to send him away again, to send him back to prison, where he belongs.

I'm so sorry. I would try to send him away after this. But I succeeded once and failed once, and this is how it ended. No matter what I do, justice will not be served.

It appears that... there are just some things that I can't beat.

Gavin is one of them.

And I'm so, so sorry.


End file.
